Unwordable

My friend is a energy master. One of the few Westerners to study under the Balinese spiritual masters. When we meditate at Balinese temples, strange things happen. Her experiences are stranger than mine, but still, strange things happen.

What strange things, I hear you ask. Tell us more…

I cant!!! There are no words for these kinds of experiences. These experiences are simply unwordable.

Now, language is one of my favourite things. I love the nuances of words, finding exactly the right adjective to convey the subtle differences between things, being precise, being honest and being descriptive. The technical term for me is a logophile!!

But language applies to emotions in about the same way as paint applies to sunsets- it can create an apparent representation, but it can never be the thing it is communicating. The glow, the depth, the scope of a sunset can never be fully captured in a painting or even a photo. Some things, you just have to be there for.

I collect travel experiences the way some people collect shoes. It is not where I have been that counts; it is how it made me feel when I was there. Moonlight and coconut trees evoke the beach parties on a Saturday night in Africa, anything cold is compared to camping at -25C near Everest Base Camp and no meditation is complete without the wave of energy that I feel when I meditate here in Bali.

As I continue my "journey" (ugh- that phrase conjures such images of reality TV contestants and Oprah interviews), I find so many of my experiences are based on emotions that completely defy narrative! What are the words for the feeling of when the spirit of a Balinese king 'gifted' me with wisdom (in a meditation) or how would you tell someone about the physical sensation of the notes of my meditation music dancing in my solar plexus chakra?

Sometimes I think about changing the genre of adjectives we use- what if something smelled blue, or felt lemony? In that case, the Balinese king looked like chocolate truffles, sunsets smell velvety and the Himalayas felt like lightening.

I think we sometimes try to fit so much into so few words. Have you ever said “I love you” and felt like the words were too small? Have you tried to tell someone about something that happened, and found that as you talked, it became almost less than what happened, like you were boxing it is with your words? You end up with a lame, "you had to be there", in an attempt to salvage the moment and to help yourself hang on to the feeling you were trying to communicate.

All our words, all our stories are just an attempt to share the experiences we have had. But words are just that- words; they are not the experiences themselves. They are not the feelings we hold in our hearts. Maybe some things are best left being unwordable.