Are you one
of those people who just knows where they fit in life? Someone who is happily
working their way through their set goals? Do you instinctively connect with
the people around you and make effortless conversation? OK, that is great, and
I am truly happy for you, but this is not your article.
I am talking to those other
people. The ones who feel like life is watching a 3D movie without the glasses.
The ones who don’t understand what goals they should even be setting. Yes, you
who knows the ‘social chatter’ game but simply doesn’t want to play. I am
talking to you. My soul is talking to your soul, because we are here. We are
scattered and we so often feel alone, but we are here.
Maybe it is because we don’t
often have this level of conversation with people, maybe it is because we have
learned to pretend, maybe we are truly scattered, but I want to touch base
because tonight I am feeling lonely. Tonight, I am feeling frustrated and
disappointed by an experience that reminded me of how much I don’t seem to
think like other people. Tonight, I want to reach out to people like me.
You see, today I went on what was
supposed to be an amazing purification ceremony here in Bali. My friend had
done it before and was very keen to take a few of us to share the experience. I
have done this sort of thing before, with some of the same people here in Bali
and had incredible meditations and moments, so I had little compunction about
going along.
The Balinese priests are often
more like psychic/shamans, reading your energy, healing your heart and playing
with your chakras. After the lovely purification (in a slightly chilly river),
we were told that the priest could read our life purpose in one word from our third
eye. (He had already read and healed our palm stories, so this didn’t seem much
of a stretch). My friend had been told that her life purpose was
“spirituality”- a broad but lovely concept, so I expected something similarly
warm and encouraging. I got told my life purpose was “oil”.
Yep, literally oil. As in I
should invest in an oil company or open an aromatherapy shop. Nonplussed, I
thought about this for a while, then figured I could take it metaphorically and
suggested that perhaps he meant that I was like oil, in that I often help
people who are a bit stuck or smooth the way for things to happen, but no, he
said I should open an aromatherapy shop.
Now, I totally get that within
the values of Balinese life, having a life purpose that involves opening a shop
would be a really good thing. But for me, it was soooooooo incredibly far away
from the concepts that I have not only for my every day life, but also for my
soul purpose! But more, I was so frustrated by him making God (aka. the
Universe, life energy) so small. As if God would write your soul purpose on
your forehead and have it say, “open a shop”. He made God small. And mundane. And
human. And that just didn’t speak to me.
And so, yet again, I was reminded
of how different I am. How I don’t want to have goals, I want to have feelings.
Of how the thoughts in my head are not my enemy but my most precious friend. Of
how I don’t want to ‘transform my life’ because I love my life. Of how much I
am so ok with who I am but not ok with how that fits (or doesn’t fit) in the
world.
And so, if you sometimes of often
find that people are trying so hard to connect with you, but their concept of
happiness or purpose or life just leaves you cold, here are some thoughts from
my soul to yours…
No matter whether the glass is half full or half empty, it looks
totally weird upside down. Seriously. A half glass of water behind me when I was in down dog
this morning, spun my brain out, as my brain told me for a second that the air
was water and the water air.
Yes, bright green cars do look like giant M&M’s. But not many people will think that is as
fascinating as you do. They will probably think that the storm cloud that looks
like a dragon eating the setting sun is cool, but won’t stare at it for 10
minutes. If we ever meet, feel free to point these things out to me and we can
stare together.
The world is sometimes so beautiful, it is sad. And sometimes that sadness is beautiful. Cry
when you need to. I send your soul hugs, with no demands, or no need for you to
explain.
If you ever want a successful role model for being your
incredible, amazing, totally not normal self, read Dr Seuss. Green Eggs and Ham or The Lorax. Need I say
more?
Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the
thinks you can think up if only you try! (Dr Seuss)
And of course the classic:
Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one
alive who is you-er than you! (Dr Seuss)
And so dear soul, I leave you
here. Tonight, I am tired. Tired of pretending that it all makes sense. Tired
of trying to value the things I am told are important. Tired of being alone.
But I also know that I am not alone. Because you are out there too and I just
wanted to say hello.
This article was first published in Elephant Journal.
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