Sooo, like Zen, man...

Now most of you will think that I am pretty heavily "on the spiritual path" and may be "pretty far out there" by now. Well, firstly, but Ubud standards, I am completely square and secondly, the further I go, the more I appreciate the journey of being human.

A couple of conversations this week have reminded me of just how fundamental our human instincts are and,  no matter how far we go to 'dissolve' these things, we have visceral reactions to some states that are built in to our brains. The issues most people have around finances, for example, are grounded in the fundamental need for survival (given that in our physical world, the basic needs for food and shelter can generally be met with money). No matter how zen or enlightened we get, we are still going to have a giant red button in our brain that says 'I gotta survive'!

Grief is another one- I was in a meditation class recently with a lady who had a very strong outpouring of grief, which she identified was connected to the passing of her mother several years ago. Now, she could not really understand her sobbing, as, in her words, "I understand that everyone has to die and I was fine with that and besides, I was busy being strong for my family". Fortunately, the woman running the class was switched on and reminded this lady that, no matter how much we rationalise out emotional reactions, some things are visceral. Grief hits you in the guts, whether we sublimely 'accept death' or fight it tooth and nail.

The path to balance has many directions- we all need different journeys to balance out our personal positions. I have met people here who are soooooo far out, that they are not remembering to enjoy this physical life- being human is not just about raw veganism and "being one with the Universe" (cue ultra-calm voice!). Being human is about chocolate and sex, watching a sunset and jumping in the ocean, it is about remembering our connection to Source and then forgetting again, making mistakes and riding this human journey for all it is worth.

Namaste ♥

Today, I fell in love...

Today, the most unexpected thing happened. I fell in Love.

I was doing a meditation, dealing with some blocks I have had with connecting and relationships. You know, processing my past, etc, etc... Then, suddenly, the most amazing feeling arose inside of me, when I thought about a certain person...

Now, I have known this person my entire life. I have lived with them, I have known their every thought, their every move. I have criticised, judged, pushed, pulled, yelled at and laughed with this person. I have accepted them; I thought I did not judge. I thought I knew them. But I did not know that I did not love them. 

Not in the way that I knew love. Not like when I thought about my family, the people that I truly knew that I loved. When I thought of this person, I did not feel that warm fuzzy feeling. My chest did not ache with joy. But I had never thought about actually loving them before.

Today, that changed. I fell in love... 

with myself.

This was not just a happy feeling, not just self-acceptance and not just connection with the Source within me. This is actual true Love- for Me, from Me...  

So, I have no idea if this is normal and most people are saying, "well der", or if this is something that others also struggle to find, but I do know that this will change Who I Am. Oh, my day to day life may not change much, but I will be spending it with someone that I love and that is going to change everything...