Green-eyed Spiritualist

I have a confession... I have been attacked by the green-eyed monster. In the most unsuitable arena.

I have never been a jealous person when it comes to relationships, but as a youngest child in a not very emotionally abundant family, I have been jealous of the attention and praise that others recieve. Especially in any area that is important to me. Previously, this has attacked me in my career, when colleagues get good assignments or recognition, or, god forbid, a promotion. 

Now I am 'spiritual'- free of such trappings as career envy and freeing myself of such low-vibrational states as envy all together... right? Ha!!

Nope- it has attacked me in the most inappropriate of places- in my spiritual journey! I have always accepted that I am not the most disciplined of meditators (understatement of the decade!!!!) and am coming to terms with my lack of intuition, sight, gift or any other tangible spiritual skill (heck- I can't even 'meet' my guides)... But I have been pretty cool with that.

I am currently privileged to be meditating with some amazing Energy Masters. I was doing ok with kind of tagging along- I have actually mastered my younger need to be noticed, to be front and centre- until comments were made about how special my friends are (and yes, they are wonderful, incredible souls!). And out jumps my green-eyed monster, right into the middle of my lovely scenic spiritual path!

Whack goes the envy stick and I am really struggling with others being praised for having noteworthy souls!! Yep, I know that sounds strange, but I have become a Soul Stage Mother!! I want MY soul to stand out, to get praised, to be seen as special. 

AND, that's not how things are going right now... Of course, I know this is perfect and it is such a conflict! I am not only struggling with my jealousy, but also with the 'wrongness' of being jealous over such a thing! 

So, my imperfect journey continues... Luckily, I retain the ability to laugh at myself...