Lack-lustrous thoughts

I was taught the power of language by a master of positivity and have been friends with several other masters of this skill since, however, I am still going to state, for the record, my appreciation for the lack of the following things...

1. Mosquitoes. They are rarely lacking in Bali at night, except under my net...
2. The noise of a generator. It has been my daytime accompaniment for a week now. Not today. (Note- this also applies to chainsaws and all-night dance music)
3. Sunburn. After day 3 when the bedsheets stop feeling like sandpaper and you can roll over again.
4. Headache, stomach cramps, back pain- whichever. Tis awesome when they stop. 
5. Drama. I don't do it. I love to tell a dramatic story, I just don't want to create one!

Oh, don't get me wrong... I appreciate silence and health and all of those positive things too, but sometimes, you just have to love NOT having something!

A deeper Secret

We all know the 'Secret'- you can manifest what you want by picturing it, thinking it, colouring it in in your mind... Kind of the non-religious version of prayer.

Well, I think I found another secret...

I was doing my regular manifesting meditation this morning- usually I am focussed on more general things like love and gratitude than the material, but after a conversation with a friend and energy master last night, today I was asking the Universe to bring me a romance... (yep, please ignore that detail folks!)

Suddenly, the knowledge hit me- my prayer (yes, same thing, different word- it's OK!) should not be to attract what I want. My prayer, my heart and soul should be asking for the help to making myself ready for what I want. I could access all that guidance, all that inspiration, all that energy for MYSELF!

Selfish, I hear you gasp!! Hang on... How can me becoming a better person be selfish? Is what not what the Universe, all my loved ones and my soul would want from me, for me? Does not me becoming a better person help the world? Would it not be a favour to the person that the Universe has already manifested out there for me? (nope, they are not going to be created out of thin air- I am hoping the Universe foresaw my need about 40 years ago!!!)

Now, I have heard this before. Become the person who would be/have/do/meet/etc the thing you want. What I had not connected was making that my deepest desire- the thing I could get guidance on, be inspired in, have answered... I do not have to ask the Universe for help to find my partner, BUT, I can ask the Universe for help in finding myself.

♡

In the Shadows

Being surrounded by spiritual people on a beautiful tropical island can be a wonderful and healing experience. Sometimes, too healing! Wait, before you say "what!!", let me explain...

Someone was recommending arnica for a couple of mostly healed bruises I had on my leg. Now, I am not big into creams and salves and such things, especially for something as non-life-threatening as a bruise, so I thanked her but wasn't very keen. She was very insistent that I needed to get some arnica and raved about how wonderful it is- she seemed a little miffed that I didn't rush out right then (we were at a wedding!!) to get some...

Another friend, who is highly intuitive, seems to rush me into processing whatever I am feeling any time I am a tiny bit not perfectly happy and someone else was recommending I 'throw my cough into the sacred fire' on the second day I had it...

Now, I love all of these concepts, and I truly believe that if you are stuck in something or can't shift a feeling or health issue, then some work is needed. But do we need to instantly process and dissolve every little 'negative'?

The Shadow is instantly seen to be suffering- a darkness, something to be avoided at all costs. Not only do we need to face our shadow (all those so-called dark and negative emotions and feelings), I think we need to own and honour them. 

My bruises remind me to be careful- I honour that the lesson was no more serious. My sometimes sadness pays homage to loved ones I miss or provides fuel for introspection and growth. My cough says pay attention to an unspoken truth, a repressed expression.

Be where you are for the learnings are important at every point in the scale. Being 'spiritual' does not mean just living in the light- you have to also embrace the Shadows...

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. 

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? 

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? 

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. 

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. 

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." 

But I say unto you, they are inseparable. 

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
(Kahlil Gibran- The Prophet)

Green-eyed Spiritualist

I have a confession... I have been attacked by the green-eyed monster. In the most unsuitable arena.

I have never been a jealous person when it comes to relationships, but as a youngest child in a not very emotionally abundant family, I have been jealous of the attention and praise that others recieve. Especially in any area that is important to me. Previously, this has attacked me in my career, when colleagues get good assignments or recognition, or, god forbid, a promotion. 

Now I am 'spiritual'- free of such trappings as career envy and freeing myself of such low-vibrational states as envy all together... right? Ha!!

Nope- it has attacked me in the most inappropriate of places- in my spiritual journey! I have always accepted that I am not the most disciplined of meditators (understatement of the decade!!!!) and am coming to terms with my lack of intuition, sight, gift or any other tangible spiritual skill (heck- I can't even 'meet' my guides)... But I have been pretty cool with that.

I am currently privileged to be meditating with some amazing Energy Masters. I was doing ok with kind of tagging along- I have actually mastered my younger need to be noticed, to be front and centre- until comments were made about how special my friends are (and yes, they are wonderful, incredible souls!). And out jumps my green-eyed monster, right into the middle of my lovely scenic spiritual path!

Whack goes the envy stick and I am really struggling with others being praised for having noteworthy souls!! Yep, I know that sounds strange, but I have become a Soul Stage Mother!! I want MY soul to stand out, to get praised, to be seen as special. 

AND, that's not how things are going right now... Of course, I know this is perfect and it is such a conflict! I am not only struggling with my jealousy, but also with the 'wrongness' of being jealous over such a thing! 

So, my imperfect journey continues... Luckily, I retain the ability to laugh at myself...

Paradox

Par·a·dox: one (as a person, situation, or action) having seemingly contradictory qualities or phases

I am fascinated by the questions of who we are and why we are here and the inherent paradoxes that come up when I think about the human condition... I love the equal and dichotomous Truths that inevitably arise (for me anyway!) when contemplating the biggest picture.

One of the biggest paradoxes I have become aware of in my own thinking about humanity is the paradox between my strong drive to compassion for individuals and a belief in the importance of all humans having equal rights and opportunities AND a strong awareness of the over-population of the planet and the need for not all individuals to survive and reproduce in order for humanity to not destroy our only ecosystem... Paradox.

Today I began an accountability process where I set goals for each day, for each week and have my mentor assist me in holding myself to a higher standard. I love the idea of growing myself, of discovering new facets, of being pushed to new experiences, AND, at the same time, there is something deeply uncomfortable about the implied need for change. Part of me is perfectly happy the way I am... Paradox.

I think the truth is that there is no Truth... There is no one way of anything. Sure, there are simple facts, but our existence, the complex and intertwined massive picture that is our existence cannot be boiled down to 'facts' and can certainly not be described as simple...

We are both perfect as we are AND inspired to grow and learn. Both the collective AND the individual are paramount. Our experience on Earth is one of both physicality AND spirituality... Paradoxes all!

The best paradox of all is that it takes all the individuals who only believe in one side of each of these things to create the overall balance... :)

I (Don't) Like to Move It Move It

In all the years and places I have lived, I just realised that I have never moved within the same town. I have lived in 9 different houses in 9 different towns. Often I come back to the same house after venturing out. Now I am contemplating moving within a town for the first time.

This has made me realised how hard the idea is for me! I am very attached to my current house and am very reluctant to even start looking for a new one, but I need to accommodate ‘guest season’ here in Ubud. I have friends who have promised to visit and surely it is easy enough to just move to a 2-bedroom place. Right?

Right???

Just move…

This would be my first move that is not either running away or coming home. I am not setting out on a grand adventure. I am not coming home full of stories and new ideas. The first time moving is not a deliberate shove towards internal change, or a thin mask for a lack of change.

I am essentially a travelling homebody. Unless my psyche is driving me to the radical, I like being grounded, having a place of my own. Even when I do travel, it is with a sense of a base, having somewhere that I could always come back to. For some reason, the idea of actually just moving house has shaken that. I don’t yet know why.

I could simply move my stuff, from one place to another. And take all of myself with me.

As soon as I actually find a house I want to move to…

This is my way, get your own highway!

I was at a business development workshop last weekend, aimed at people who wanted to be speakers, authors and coaches, so primarily attended by those in the 'mind, body & soul' arena. I had the most fascinating conversation with a man who calls himself a coach and trainer (not sure what his specialty is) about the "perceived conflict" between personal development and spiritual development.

He commented that people have an 'either/or' approach to development- you can either be successful or you can be spiritual. I was talking about how my first steps to 'self-awareness' came through psychology, then personal development, then spiritual journeying and how I have found value from all of these routes, depending on where I was in my life and that they all fed into each other.

I went on to say that the different routes suit different people as they have different needs and are looking for different goals and outcomes. I am not sure how the whole conversation went exactly, but I said to him something along the lines of:

"I not only love that everyone is different, I want it to be that way. Everyone has a different 'balance point'- where the balance lies for them in their life. I am an introvert- I don't want a heap of other people to have my balance point! I like having my own space in my particular version of what is right for me, so look at it that each person needs to find what works for them."

The coach/trainer looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted wings or something and actually said he had never thought of that before. That he had thought everyone needed to be guided to the same beliefs or system as him.

Now, I thought his belief was crazy, as it is so natural to me to think the way I do, but when I thought about it more, I guess the desire for others to not only agree with us, but to follow the same path is at the root of much of the conflict in the world.

Maybe we need to accept and actually encourage everyone to find their own happiness in their own space... Don't just walk your own path, support others in finding theirs.